I have been asked how girls fall for the wrong guy,
or, more specifically, how I fell for the wrong guy.
I wrote a blog post about it. Liketohearit?Hereitgo... (Only works in David Alan Grier's voice.)
An asshole will be nice to you. At first.
His asshole-y actions?
They will be directed at people you don't really know, they will involve family or friend dynamics you don't truly understand, they will be muted or even seem somewhat justified at the time.
(It takes all kinds, right? This is how they handle things? I guess?)
It is only years later when his family stops talking to him and friends get fed up and stop coming around that you realize that, no, it wasn't your imagination, he really was being a hateful prick.
Your parents were normal.
And by normal I mean they weren't always sniping at each other and
making each other feel horrible. Talking meant talking. There were no volleys of insults or subtle degradations. No one needed thick skin. They were nice to each others friends
and families. They surrounded you with love and other people who loved
You were raised in THAT.
You cannot believe such people as your new guy and his lot exist outside of Lifetime TV or episodes of COPS.
By the time you figure it out, by the time the vitriol has been turned on you,
it is often too late. You have kids. Or aging parents. Three quarters of a college degree.
A shared livelihood. Whatever. You are in a compromised position
where his entire social network overwhelms yours because he has slowly but very systematically cut you off from your friends, family, co-workers and replaced them with... him.
Maybe you believe that he will change. He did promise.